Goodbye, Farewell to Whoozsha Kitty
Spanky is actually funnier in real life. I’m talking tears streaming down my face funny. I cannot have a conversation with her without choking on my laughter. She’s a rare one, that Spank.
This has been a safe haven, an angry spot and a place of deep consideration. But it is time for me to go. Time to take my Kitty and move along. Rumor has it Whoozsha Turkey will fill my shoes, however, Kitty has some concerns regarding the ability of a Turkey to stand post as Dectector and Informant of Mice. This position is not be taken lightly. It requires late night shift work that involves stealth prowling and sitting completely still for long periods of time in the dark waiting for the slightest of movement. The urge to pounce should be almost absent. The assignment is one of dectection, and then immediate informing must ensue. This requires the applicant to charge, at maximum velocity, up two flights of stairs and directly, from an airborne position, onto the sleeping body of the home owner. If the home owner is not already imbedded into the ceiling plaster as a result of the abrupt jolt, then the mouse in the house informant must partake in loud, gutteral howling noises. Prancing around on the bed while howling helps. Once the home owner has acknowledged the five-alarm rodent call, it is then necessary to run up and down the two flights of stairs in a frenzie in order to lead the home owner to the scene at hand. This almost always works. Once the informant and the home owner arrive at the scene, a lot of howling and weaving between the home owner’s legs must take place followed by intermittent spells of the classic Vulture Kitty Pose with nose pointing in the direction of said mouse. Here’s the hard part. The home owner will then whine, “Emily [or Turkey in this case], if there was a mouse under the couch, it’s gone now. You’ve scared it away with all your high horse antics. Now quit slamming around the house in the middle of the night. You’re too old for this behavior. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.” Ignore the home owner’s plea, as she does not know what she is talking about.
Okay ladies. Give me an hour or two and I’ll see on the dune.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:32 pm
im eagerly waiting sissy town
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Word.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:54 pm
ha ha sissy town…a town full of wussies….i bet gary and mike will be there bwahahahahahah
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:07 pm
I was born and raised in Sissy Town.
frenchie said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:13 pm
hey, it was really nice running into you today. it’s been a long time. i was just reading over your stuff. great work. sounds like your girls are growing up. you told me today that your youngest is in preschool. i hope that wasn’t her teacher that i just reading about. she doesn’t sound too stable.,
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:31 pm
uh oh…trouble in pre school…
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:05 pm
holy crap – I was reading the original post and a third of the way into it I blacked out and smacked my head on the keyboard.
frenchie said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:47 pm
maybe you can come work for me. I’m in the fashion Industry.
spankalicious said,
April 19, 2007 at 7:06 am
gary the fairy…oh that isnt insulting or funny. sad thing is i have an idea of what gary looks like in my head…kinda like norm on cheers. all grumpy and smart mouthed.
Gary said,
April 19, 2007 at 8:57 am
Spank you are so hot for me. I can’t believe you get hot and bothered for Norm.
spankalicious said,
April 19, 2007 at 9:02 am
Gary, my levels of hotness for you know no limit.
it is the one thing that keeps me going…my undying lust for you. (long sigh)
if only gary would give me a chance….i know i could be just the freak he wanted….
hahahahahahahah
Gary said,
April 19, 2007 at 9:51 am
I’m sorry Spank but I can’t find my uh… you know, under my Norm belly.
spankalicious said,
April 19, 2007 at 9:59 am
Ohhhhh dat no good. (im not sure why i am talking like the guy from fantasy island)
maybe i can just freak your belly up. with like mustard and worstashire sauce and stuff
Gary said,
April 19, 2007 at 10:22 am
ok I just threw up a little – you win
spankalicious said,
April 19, 2007 at 10:30 am
LOL good. I never get to win. especially with you.
Gary said,
April 19, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I just threw up again.
the unsinkable spanky brown said,
April 20, 2007 at 10:34 am
i vote both.